Is it perhaps, time for a change? I'm starting to think there's something very wrong with me. I'm not sure I'm happy. 2010 hasn't started very well. I feel sort of isolated in my new house, living with strangers I have nothing in common with. With my housemates gone and most people now living away from Derby, I'm bleeding allies and friends like nothing else.
A job application to work in China didn't pan out, neither did my last relationship. And my constant reassurances that I was going to "be better" and "be a new man" in the new decade has come to nothing. Still, it is early days I suppose.
And as well as this, everyone I asked seemed to think I'm fine as I am. That I shouldn't want to change myself. Well thats sweet and all, but I don't feel like you understand what the problem is. I'm sick and tired of being single, I'm fed up with feeling directionless and overweight and unmotivated and so damn scared of taking risks and chances.
I have the ambition and even the drive to make myself better, but what about the practicalities?
The thing is, I'm not sure that I know how to change my behavouir. I'm not sure I understand what is required to reinvent your life.
I'm not really completely unhappy, but I'd prefer things to be better than half full. I'd like them to be 2/3rds the way up the glass. Is that, too much to ask. So, gentle reader (all five or so of you, plus the spam bot who messaged my last post) how does one go about making themselves a new life? I may need some help with this...
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I personally spent many years feeling unhappy with a lot of things in my life. I knew things needed to change, but (as you so eloquently put), I was scared of the perceived risk involved in taking actions that could pull me out of the void.
ReplyDeleteOne day I had to accept things needed to change. So I did. It certainly wasn't easy, nor quick. But looking back, I'm definitely in a better place now (although not perfect, I might add).
So as you're asking for advice, mine to you would be: if you're not happy with the way things are, then that is reason enough to take action NOW. Don't wait. There is no reward without risk. And rather more importantly, we only get one go at life - no second chances.
One of the first places I (predictably) looked for help was the Internet. I still visit the site below from time to time, much recommended:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/
Matthew
I agree with the first comment in principle, but that attitude is putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself and that pressure is usually destined for disappointment and further unhappiness.
ReplyDelete"I have the ambition and even the drive to make myself better, but what about the practicalities?" You hit the nail on the head there honey. In your head, everything seems achievable, in reality, when it's not or we fail, we feel like a big, steaming piece of shit.
The best piece of advice I can give here, is (and it's easier said than done) - lose some of the expectations and gain some more acceptance. I once heard a phrase something along the lines of 'It's only when you stop trying to live, that you actually do and you realise it's not that bad.' I'm not saying that you shouldn't have the desire to change, definitely not. The desire to change and succeed and to want things, is what gives you ambition and keeps you motivated in life. But you can't take this to extremes. You need to be kinder to yourself, stop giving yourself such a hard time and a mental battering when life's not as pliable as you want it to be.
And honey, you can not activaly re-invent your life, you can only try to re-invent your attitude and perceptions, and this may in turn turn your life around from the inside out. You're talking to a seasoned perfectionist and someone who is never happy with what they've got. I've learned the hard way that no amount of seeking out what you think you want, will ever get you happiness. If only it were that simple.
Just try and exist for a whle without all the self-analysing. It can be refreshing. The rest will follow, trust me. :) x
Oh definitely; I should have said that setting unrealistic goals will only make things worse. But that's kind of what I meant by tangible change taking a long time. All the small positive steps add up to a big difference (whatever those steps are for you). You can't cut corners by setting goals that are impossible to achieve - you'll just end up beating yourself up in the face of inevitable failure.
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